...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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