Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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