So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
