What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
