Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
