the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
