Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
