I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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