If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
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