Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
