The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
