Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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