I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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