Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
