I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
