a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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