Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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