So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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