I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
