well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize