I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
...so i touched it.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
