I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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