Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
