Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Randomize
