I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
