just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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