Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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