I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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