Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
