dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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