You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
