I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
