end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
pray to the hookup gods
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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