O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
