There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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