david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
