If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
