And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
