It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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