dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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