I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Sext me about skeletons
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
