You just made me feel so damn special
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
