You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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