He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
And then my night got REAL pukey
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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