Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
My penis needs a shock collar
I am one with the molecules
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
