You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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