I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
