Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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