Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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