I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
