I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
