Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You had me at "let me see your balls"
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
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