Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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