I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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