In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
