2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
