this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
