drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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