i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
