final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
