TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
