The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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