I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
