On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
