I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
