Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
