im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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