Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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