1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
i now understand why vodka
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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