who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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