i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize