but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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