Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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