Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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