do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
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