In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I wear drunk well.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
