tell your sister to shave her snatch
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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