I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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