First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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