she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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