I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
