Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
