i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
