He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
